Elvira Burgo

Human beings have basic needs, and the most important need is love. It can be satisfying, fulfilling, and the most sublime experience. There are so many kinds of love we can experience and express. I heard a song long ago where the singer states, “Practice makes perfect in everything but love.”  So true. But love must start with ourselves.

But what do we do when the love we seek is not satisfying, fulfilling, or sublime? Some even to the point of being dangerous. My purpose is not to identify when a relationship is bad for you but what you do after the successful end of such a relationship.

There are varying degrees of abuse. Some subtle, some overt. But they all leave their mark on your psyche.  While it can be a relief the relationship is over, its effects are still in place. And can turn up in subsequent relationships.

Before you begin new relationships, it is important to take time to rediscover yourself. This is especially true after an abusive one. It may not be immediately evident, but you’ve changed. You will need to see what behaviors you’ve established to navigate your former relationship, what triggers those behaviors, and how they have changed you.  In some instances, those changes became survival behaviors.  Behaviors that can be difficult to heal.  But it would help if you learned to trust yourself again after being trained not to.  Seek counseling if necessary.

Give yourself time before going into a new relationship. And move slowly. To start too soon could have you fighting battles that no longer exist. This could damage a possibly good friendship and leave your new friend or partner wondering what is happening.

Be cautious with your trust. If your new partner is trustworthy, the signs will be there. You already know the signs and behaviors of an unhealthy connection. Seek to establish relationships with people you know have your best interest in mind. Listen to your inner voice. Trust that inner voice. In truth, the universe wants you to win and will help you with intuition, feelings, and guidance.  

Change takes time. Tell yourself within the deepest part of your being you are worthy of love and respect. Gently insist upon it for yourself; gently give it to others.

NOTE - This article is for informational purposes only. It is not designed to diagnose or treat anyone. Please seek professional help if needed.
 

Dianne Phoenix

Battered Women Crisis Counseling for 12 years

Battered Women Hotline for nine years

Worked in Battered Women’s Safe House for approximately nine years