Compassion: Seven Ways to be Kind to Yourself
TW: (Trigger Warning) A physically abused wife suffers as she goes through a divorce. With no dogs or children, she’s left to pick up all the pieces. “How are you doing?” she asks another. “I’m so sorry for what happened.”
This is compassion at work. Now, here’s its opposite.
I encountered hate that day toward someone who desperately needed tender loving care. Angry words flew past me and shocked my core, but it appeared to be a greater disturbance for the bearer of hate because,
Underneath the anger was much pain.
Why the differences?
Could it be that one had more understanding of suffering? Was it more natural for one than the other to extend compassion? Or did hurt stand in the way of heart?
Let’s take a look at one more example of compassion.
I stopped to rest while hiking when a passerby asked if I was ok. I replied with a “yes,” and the woman continued along the path with her husband and dog. As I caught up with them, the woman looked back with a big smile and wished me a good day.
Let’s explore compassion further.
COMPASSION DETAILS
“Compassion is a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.” (www.dictionary.com)
Like love, compassion is extraordinary. Charity does so much for another and our world; it is with the understanding that we can help others. First, however, compassion must include the self. “If compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete,” states Jack Kornfield.
Self-compassion is being kind to oneself and is an essential component of self-love. “It is the ability to be understanding, warm, and easy with yourself during times of struggle or self-doubt.” (www.scienceofpeople.com)
BENEFITS OF SELF-COMPASSION
Self-compassion does so much. First, you honor yourself enough to get past the hurt. You take care of yourself. Sometimes for self-preservation. Lastly, you show that you matter. Often, we treat others better than we treat ourselves. Loving another does not mean you neglect or forget about yourself.
Studies show lower levels of anxiety and depression in people with higher self-compassion. (www.health.harvardedu) Furthermore, self-compassion increases happiness, motivation, and resilience. (www.scienceofpeople.com)
COMPASSION CAN BE LEARNED
For some, compassion comes naturally. Others may lack empathy. The good news is that self-compassion can be learned. Here are some ways to be kind to yourself.
7 Ways to Be Kind to Yourself
1. Forgive yourself for mistakes made
I’ve seen people beat themselves up, which is one reason I shared my experience in the last article. It’s important to realize that, as humans, we will make mistakes. However, it’s what we learn that matters most. And, of course, not repeating the error.
2. Let go of past hurt
As in the second scenario, there’s much suffering when one holds onto the hurt. Trapped by pain, it shows up as hate and who knows what else. One of the most important things I discovered is that we keep those who hurt us in bondage. I would instead forgive and release that person.
3. Take time off for yourself
This is one of the best things I learned. I’m happier as a result. Although, of course, it’s easier for me because my children are grown and out of the house. But it’s important to sneak in some time for yourself. You are worth it.
4. Treat yourself to something you enjoy
Some people like bubble baths. Others enjoy lighting candles, sitting by the fireplace, or getting massages. I like listening to instrumental music.
5. “Spend more time with people that make you feel worthy."(www.scienceofpeople.com)
Those who give of themselves and encourage others are truly special. Delight in those people, but give back to them when you can. The children’s book, The Giving Tree, reminds me not to take others for granted.
6. Create a success file
Fill the file with pictures, screenshots, or something that reminds you how wonderful you are. (www.scienceofpeople.com). I once wrote a list of accomplishments, which made me feel so good at a critical time.
7. Remember, you are not alone.
Some people retreat when they’re not feeling good. Connecting to others is a good idea, I found. After all, we’re social beings. Furthermore, other people may be hurting, too.
I’ll leave you with this.
WORDS OF WISDOM FROM A YOUNG MAN
While standing in line at the airport, the manager asked me to step aside and check my bag. Distraught at the idea of leaving a sentimental object behind, many emotions were brewing. Once at the kiosk, I expressed my sentiments to a young male agent who had this to say about the manager:
"You never know what a person is going through."
Thanks for reading.
Disclaimer: The information in this article is based on my experiences and observations. Please seek professional help when dealing with domestic abuse, pain, and suffering.
Elvira