Good Relationships
A Lost Friend
I got married and moved out of state. However, my college friend saw my firstborn when I visited my parents. That’s how close we were.
But then, over the years, we lost touch.
So easy to do.
I tried finding her through social media but to no avail.
Why Relationships Matter
Most of us are in a relationship one way or another. But do we truly value our relationships and invest in them?
I’m no relationship expert, but I’ve learned the importance of relationships from experience, research, observation, and the Happiness Club, which spreads and offers tips for happiness.
Relationships do matter.
Why?
Relationships enrich our lives, provide emotional support, and allow us to connect with others more deeply. Furthermore, relationships with our partners affect our children in impactful, everlasting ways. Ultimately, what matters most is our relationship with friends and family.
A Key to a Happy Life
A key to a happy life is to maintain good relationships with others.
It is better to get along with people than not because it brings peace. Peace is a positive state of mind, leading to happiness.
When we fail at relationships, we suffer. Not only do we suffer, but others do, too. Suffering is the opposite of happiness.
People tend to underestimate the value of relationships, but relationships are essential to one’s happiness. We are happy, and our children are also happy, if our relationship with others is good. Studies show people with “social support from family, friends, and their community are happier, have fewer health problems, and live longer.” (www.health.harvard.edu)
There are many ways to maintain good relationships, but I found nine helpful tips.
9 Tips on How to Maintain Good Relationships
1. Keep in touch with friends
As in the above scenario, keeping in touch with friends is challenging. If we find time, we may want to avoid inconveniencing another, but we must do.
My lost friend could have used some encouraging words while a law student, and I would have benefitted from her support as a new mother.
Calling friends more often helps to nurture a relationship.
2. Nurture relationships
We sometimes fail to nurture our relationships because we are absorbed in our lives and needs.
Another reason is that maybe we don’t care because we would reach out if we did.
Finally, we feel we won't reach out if someone doesn’t.
***We need to prioritize our relationships.
We can reach out to others with difficulties and celebrate the good in their lives.
Who can you and I connect with today?
3. Encourage others
Before she moved to another state, a friend gave each of her friends a card that inspired us to encourage others. What a beautiful gift!
By the way, it’s easy as humans to be critical of other’s behavior, but we all fall short in various ways.
Here’s a fault of mine.
There was a time I looked down at a flirty woman.
I blamed a woman for tempting a man for dressing inappropriately or misbehaving. Some things are deeply instilled and are hard to get rid of unless we make a conscious effort.
So, now I understand it takes two to get entangled.
I have also learned to look for the good and compliment people sincerely.
My compliments….
Be grateful to be called a woman.
You are worthy.
Flirty or not, you have much to be proud of
as a mother, wife, single woman, or military spouse.
4. Appreciate the people in your life
Express gratitude.
There was a time when I was good at expressing gratitude, but then I don’t know what happened. Maybe the Grinch stole my gratitude.
And so, gratitude could become a habit if we practice it. On occasion, if not regularly, we must remember to thank our partner especially. We don’t have to wait for special occasions, like Thanksgiving, to be grateful. A simple smile would do.
I have to share this.
Some encouraging words I heard on television. “Cherish your friends and loved ones,”
It’s probably one of the best things I’ve listened to on that medium.
I’ve often heard, “Love your loved ones,” when tragic events occur, but we should constantly be reminded of this, even without tragedy.
5. Love others
By now, you may already know how I feel about love. If not, I need to perfect my language skills.
I love this quote.
“Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor…let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” (Saint Mother Teresa)
I read Saint Mother Teresa’s book long before she became a saint, and she shared that the greatest poverty is in our homes. She called it spiritual poverty and referred to it as loneliness, despair, and a lack of love for people in our family.
What do you think?
6. Talk to your partner
Television, computers, and phones have become the center of our lives.
We can’t seem to disconnect unless we set the intention and are mindful.
Here’s a Comical Thing.
A speaker at a convention said, “Put your phone away, hold your spouse’s hands, and look into their eyes non-stop for 15 minutes.” “15 minutes? I don’t know if we could survive,” I thought. When I shared this with a friend, we both laughed.
Thus, we must take the time to communicate with our loved ones even if we’re busy. It would be wise to schedule some time to discuss the day’s event or anything. Ok, I’ll take that back. Maybe not scheduled. That’s too formal.
When communicating, be courteous when stating the truth.
This isn't easy, but thinking about the other person and how they want to be treated may be good. Yes, we can speak the truth, but we must be careful about what we say and how we say it.
Is it possible to express our thoughts and opinions with love?
Relationships have been ruined in the name of telling the truth.
7. Seek to understand
Sometimes, we want to be right when we are communicating with another. However, communication is more than being right.
It’s a give-and-take. One talks, the other listens, and vice versa.
It’s not about being right. And if it is…I won’t engage.
Moreover, if one doesn’t understand what the other person is saying, it’s a good idea to ask for clarification rather than assume things, overreact, or get angry about what was said.
I don’t live in regrets, but there was a time when I jumped to conclusions.
I could have asked what the person meant, but I got upset and disregarded his words. He later died, and I never got to resume the conversation.
What lost wisdom!
8. Listen and pay attention
When we listen and pay attention to the people in our lives, we will learn much, including their needs. We all have them.
When we hear and pay attention to others, they feel loved, appreciated, and valued.
Who doesn’t want those things?
9. Respect your partner
Respect is a mutual affair, and our child is watching. We must remember what we do in our relationship affects our children. They tend to imitate what we do.
A life-changing experience
Standing in line before me, a man snatched a woman’s phone, looked at it, and pulled her hair. Their young, restless boy escaped and toyed with a nearby machine while the woman stared blankly into space. After a few minutes, the mother called for the boy, who then appeared, reached for the woman’s hair, and yanked it a few times.
My reaction…
I tried to control my breathing, yet my heart pulsed with anger as the line progressed along what seemed like an eternity. I needed a release. Desperately. Once in the fresh air, I got it and could be myself. Although freed, I was forever changed.
Why?
I wondered why.
Why did I have to see this?
Must I lose hope in human goodness?
Kindness?
The lessons…
· Our behavior and relationships affect others in nontangible, lasting ways.
· Ladies, mothers, and everyone reading this… love yourself.
· You and your child/children deserve a good life.
Wait…
Before you go,
I want to share a fantastic website with you that teaches people, especially younger folks, what’s healthy and unhealthy in a relationship - www.joinonelove.org
Disclaimer: If your relationship with others affects you negatively and is destructive, please seek professional help.
Thanks for Reading!
Elvira